Friday, February 22, 2008
its been long since i updated, no time hahas= )yeah on chu shi and shi yi we had cai qing =) i was really fun but cos i sleep late so sometimes on the lorry i feel like sleeping so not very high. sigh... but i thought that cai qing turned out quite well and we split the amount that we earned among ourselves it was really fun cai qing =) ma'ams were all really high hahas=)
sigh... i hate my organisation of time, is it that i am too stupid or is it that i am too slow or i am wasting too time??? i don know? i seriously don know.. i think cos i am too stupid bah.. in class sometimes i don understand what the teacher talking about and keep asking my class mates make them very irritated. .. AHHHHHHH.... why my memory and cleverness soooo bad?? i don understand? people can understand things soo well and can even infer from what the teacher is talking about but why can't i do that?? i don seem to be good at anything at all??? my OM group is seriously as in like not good, cos i am simply no good at leading my group bah??? probably i should not even be the leader in the 1st place, we did not et into OM singapore and i am sure that OM mates are disappointed, have i really failed them?? and i not fit to be their leader??? do i not how to organise the group??i don know?? i think it is, i totally failed my OM mates.. i did not organise them well, i am too indecisive?? i can't bring the group together??? i am tooo domineering??? sigh.... i seriously would like to be a leader, i have trying so hard, i don know what to do now?? i try, i am sure i did. i don understand... i don seem to be good at anything.. probably being a group without knowing each other well enough was a really wrong choice??? i thought that being with st'johns would be a wrong choice but now i don think so but partnering with squadmates was not a really good choice i think, i am not criticising squadmates, as in like , being with squadmates in a project would really affect our friendship as in like probably i am tooo domineering and too useless and make the entire grp such a bad one?? i don know?? but i love my squadmates and being with them is really happy, happiest time in school life, all squadmates,ALL . st'johns are nice too. i think i cause my grp to become so bad. i failed the entire grp, my way of dooing things are not good at all.. i don know???sigh.... i don know.. i seriuosly don know...
i can't catch up with my school work, i can't catch up with the lessons . i am not as li hai as ma'ams who can juggle all school work, ct , np, lessons , projects alll together. sometimes i really doubt if i am really useful in anyway?? in ct, i am hardly any use, i am sure if ma'ams took overm y job, ma'ams can do much better, in np my drills are not as good as some squadmates de, though i enjoy them a lot. ct brightens my life, i feel really happy being with ma'ams and squadmates on the pitch, i really do. in school work i am really bad at it, in leading the class, i can't organise them, papers are not handed in properly, i think i really fail as being a person.. sigh...... sigh...... i don know.... i seriously don know... my french is horrible and i work hard, i really do, but what do i get in the end, i still fail for some, or get bad results??? why why?? i don know??? i don have enough sleep and i am hot-tempered most of the time.. sigh.... i don know...
what do i have to do???? study? study?? not do anything else?? i l0ve ct i really love it.. it brightens my life.. i don know ... sigh...
(i shall probably post a happy post the next time i am happy)
//y10:12 PMy//
